"I'm afraid this pizza is going to blow out of my hands and hit someone's windshield... literally."

"Love isn't a feeling. It's an ability." - Dan in Real Life

"It's an ability? I'm disabled."

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"This is a proud moment for me. I am what you call 'a proud sister.'"

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"Counting. That's a sure sign of wisdom."

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"I can't say anything around you! My words aren't safe!"

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"After a brief hiatus I shall return."

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"Erin, we are in need of your pillow."

"No."

"I said get up!"

"You didn't, actually."

"I'm passive aggressive."

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"Get up or I'll tickle you!"

"I'll poke you!"

"I'll make you snort to death!"