That's What Friends are For

"I don't feel that's special. Normal people should be able to do that. 'Special' is he makes bon-bons and brings them to me." - A.

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"... 'cause everything in your life is really dictated by my selfish desires." - A.

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"Future boyfriends have a tall order, making bon-bons for my friends and catering to their every whim... no wonder I'm single." - E.

Young Love

"That movie reminded me of when we were younger." - Dad

"But we didn't know each other when we were younger." - Mom

"But... we were younger!" - Dad

Name That General!

"But what was Stonewall Jackson's first name?"

"Andrew."

"No, I'm pretty sure that was the president. I mean the general who sat on his horse sucking lemons."

"It was Peter, wasn't it? Peter Jackson."

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"That's what I'm going to name my sons - Mason and Dixon."

"And Lee."

"General and Colonel."

"Jackson. Stonewall Jackson."

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*some minutes later, on Wikipedia*

"See! They're not the same person! Andrew Jackson is on the $20. I was talking about the Civil War General, Thomas Jonathan 'Stonewall Jackson."

"Are you reading Wikipedia? Automatically discredited. His real name was Andrew Thomas Jonathan Stonewall Jackson."

Hold the phone!

"Do the buttons for the numbers have different tones?"

"Yes."

"Is that for deaf people?"

*meaningful look* "DEAF people...."

Clothes Make the Man.

"It's hard to talk to you seriously when you're dancing around like that."

"I can't help it. These are my dancing pants."

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"I'm going to get married in these pants. These are going to be my wedding pants."

"Over the mysteries of female life there is a veil best left undisturbed." (aka Adventures in MI)

"Life would be a lot more fun if I didn't have a conscience."

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"This has been a delicious day."
"It has been a delicious day... I say with sugar on my lips."
"Now you just need someone to kiss you."
*cricket, cricket*
"I'm sorry, that sounded so awkward...."

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"Oh, so we're having the fancy coffee and they get McDonald's."
'Well, because that's what they like. They wouldn't appreciate the good stuff."
"Oh, right. 'Don't cast your pearls before swine.' Not that I'm calling your coworkers swine!"

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"I feel like I'm forgetting something...."
*sirens* "Maybe that the police are after you?"
"Yeah... what was it that I was doing last night?"
"Something involving identity theft and a very large pineapple."

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"'Beaners' is a racist term? I've never even heard of that word."
"Maybe you just don't move in the right circles."
"Maybe I need to attend more Klan meetings."
"Maybe don't write that on the blog."

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"Hmm... I don't know, Karyn, have we had any other wise words?"
"Well, I'm sure they've been spouting out of our ears... mouth... ears." *earring falls into food* "Spouting out of my ears like earrings!"

The Profundity of Sean

"Community college is a melting pot of races. It's the Wal-Mart of education."